In a relationship, not only can there be third parties in the present, sometimes psychological ghosts come from the past. Are you uncomfortable when your partner talks to you about their ex? This can be for multiple reasons and in most cases it does not mean that you are still in love with that person. In Psychology-Online we answer this question that so many people have asked at some point in their lives: “Why is my partner telling me about his ex?” . We help you to get out of doubts.
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8 reasons why your partner tells you about his ex
- Memories from the past. When you start a relationship, that person already has a previous history. And that previous stage is still part of his life. Therefore, it has left memories. And this is the main reason why your partner talks to you about your ex. That person is part of your story. What is truly significant is not that he tells you about that person, but how he does it, under what circumstances and how often.
- They keep in touch. Maybe your partner and his ex have some kind of contact, maybe they have not completely broken the bond and maintain a friendship, even if it is superficial. Or maybe they have an environment of mutual friends. This creates a context in which it is very possible that your partner continues to speak to you in the present tense about his ex, although from a different perspective.
- A recent breakup. When a person begins a new romantic relationship with someone who has just broken up with their partner, then that someone has not yet completely closed the grief for that lack of love .
- Your partner talks to you about his ex very naturally when for some reason he wants to tell you about a detail that has some meaning. In fact, this communication can be a sign of transparency and trust that your partner shows you by avoiding the opposite option: that of hiding information.
- He wants to give you courage. Your partner may tell you about his ex to make you participate in situations at that time and how he is happier now that he is with you.
- Unexpected encounter. It may happen that your partner has spoken to you about his ex again because they have lived a chance reunion on the street after years without seeing each other. Sometimes these coincidences produce emotions even when the door to the past is totally closed. A coincidence that can currently also be experienced online through a contact on social networks.
- Platonic love. If your partner talks to you a lot about his ex and in a tone that shows nostalgia, it may be a sign that inside him he still feels something important for that person. Perhaps, from the perspective of distance, you have idealized him. What is the risk in this case? When a person has oversized the past, he leaves no room to build the present.
- He wants to make you jealous. It is not a positive sign of mature love, however, some people play the psychological game of making their partner jealous by giving their ex more notoriety.
What do you feel when your partner talks to you about his ex?
As important as your partner talking to you about his ex is how you feel at that moment, since, surely, it is this inner feeling that leads you to want to know if those words have any special meaning. What do you have to avoid in this situation? Make assumptions and hypotheses because you run the risk of exaggerating what happened.
If your partner talks about his ex because he still feels love for that person, it is very possible that you feel discomfort at that moment, simply because no matter how much your partner wants to hide what he feels, it is very possible that some gesture or some detail will betray him.
If that person becomes a constant presence in the relationship because it appears in the topics of conversation in an almost daily way, it is normal that this makes you uncomfortable. In that case, discuss it with your partner.
There is a detail that can be especially uncomfortable and that is harmful in love. If your partner compares you to his ex, then set your limits and don’t accept this type of situation. You are not in his life to fill the void left by that person.
In the following Psychology-Online article, you can find other tips to avoid feeling jealous of your partner’s exes .
What to do if he talks to you about his ex?
Follow your own instinct and your intuition to act in the way you see fit. If your partner talks to you frequently about his ex and this makes you uncomfortable, speak naturally about this issue , since the best way to resolve any doubts is through a sincere dialogue between the two of you.
Sometimes in relationships there is a mirror law. That is, maybe your partner tells you about his ex because you also talk about your ex. However, you give more meaning to their comments.
Try to face this situation as an opportunity to improve communication and trust as a couple.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.