We have all had, on occasion, a “friend” who constantly annoyed us. For some reason, something in his personality pushed him to have totally inappropriate attitudes and behaviors that made us feel bad.
Here are seven symptoms that a friendship is starting to be undesirable for you .
1. No reciprocity: they receive and you give
If at any time you notice that the balance between giving and receiving is noticeably tilted, being you the one who contributes and your friend who rarely reaches out, you should rethink the situation . If after putting on the table the lack of balance in your relationship with your friend, he is not willing to change, you can start thinking about jumping ship.
These types of friends who always demand your attention but rarely give it to you when you need it are known as emotional vampires . We talk more about them in this article:
2. They don’t support you because of who you are
Friendly jokes between colleagues are not uncommon, and most tend to take them well. But when criticism and making you feel bad are part of your day-to-day conversations, the relationship will no longer be positive for you .
Toxic friendships can make you suffer. Undermining you can be a mechanism your friend uses to elevate their status above yours. This is usually more painful when it happens in public. It’s important to remind your friend that you want to be treated with respect, and if they are someone you want to keep in touch with, give them time to reflect and change.
3. You cannot trust him with your intimacies
A couple or three of true friendships can be the foundation for a healthy life. The circle of friends of this type is usually very small, a select few who have shown over the years that you can trust them blindly. We tend to have a good number of superficial relationships in which we share more trivial thoughts, experiences and opinions, but those few to whom we entrust our secrets must be truly faithful, in addition to knowing how to trust you with their secrets as well.
Taking into account that human beings are imperfect and can make mistakes, we should start to be suspicious when a friend is not careful on more than one occasion . In this situation, you must be honest with him, show him your disappointment and, if he intervenes, end the relationship or let time pass.
4. They bring out the worst version of you
When you suffer an emotional breakdown or a bad time, you may notice that your best friend is not able to be by your side to accompany you during this trance . Perhaps they prefer that you continue drinking, advise you to meet other people, encourage you to end romantic relationships without trying to improve the situation or advise you that you should have cosmetic surgery to improve your self-esteem . If this is your case, try to promote new and healthier relationships, as you stop spending so much time with your old friend.
5. They tend to disappoint you
When a friend leaves you frequently to meet others, it is annoying, but many of us accept it as something that does not matter as much. If he cancels an outing to a big concert that you were also going to because he has decided to prioritize a date at the cinema with a possible date, we are also usually understanding. If you lend them money to buy a game console and they don’t pay you back, you should stop lending them money and think about this relationship. If these situations occur regularly in the relationship, you will end up tired of their attitude . Experience tells us that this type of friendship is difficult to reconduct.
6. They do not respect your partner, family or children
It is not an easy task to assess how important our relationships are in keeping all the others alive. We trust friends to help us or share moments and experiences. We appreciate the people with whom we share opinions, to the point that they agree with us when we tell them that our partner is irrational or mean.
Sometimes, the friend can exceed certain limits, and that can make us feel bad if he criticizes or despises someone we love . Friendships that call into question your romantic relationship can be difficult for you to break up, especially in moments of special vulnerability. If this happens you should clarify that it makes you feel uncomfortable. If it is the case that the friend sustains these criticisms because of their own insecurities or jealousy, it is necessary to prioritize your romantic relationship and the social relationships that support your decision.
7. The friend wants to have a romantic relationship with you but you don’t
Many people try to be platonic with former partners or friends they would like to date. This rarely happens in an agreed or consensual way, and many times the story ends badly and with negative consequences. But it is a problem that can be prevented if we impose common sense .
When we are honest with ourselves, we can see when a friend wants more than just friendship . When sexual attraction surfaces, it is often impossible to ignore this fact and it is necessary to end the relationship unless you feel the same way. The best advice is to keep your former lovers in the past, unless you really feel like you should be with that person.
In summary, we must value friendships not for their quantity but for their quality: trustworthy friendships who are by your side both in good times and in bad must be taken care of as an essential part of a healthy and happy life.