Most sexual therapists insist that, for couples, using sex toys and other sexual products, as long as both parties are comfortable, eager, and interested in doing so, can be a surefire way to spark a romantic spark in your love life, as well as rekindle a little bit of romance in the bedroom. When used together with a partner, sex toys offer couples an opportunity to express themselves sexually fully and enhance their sexual enjoyment, particularly if used to provoke a partner. Couples can use sex toys to enhance their sexual pleasure, bring variety into a relationship that might have grown dull, and keep sexuality enjoyable.
Using sex toys can enhance a relationship and sexual satisfaction for anyone open and respectful to their sexual pleasure as well as that of their partner. The same is true of women; researcher Van Kirk believes sex toys such as vibrators can strengthen the relationship and sexual satisfaction of anyone open-minded enough to respect their partner’s proclivities and boundaries. Sex toys — such as porn — are novelties you and your partner can enjoy together, and studies have shown that couples who use toys together tend to have higher levels of sexual satisfaction. Whether they are remote vibrators or the daily Dildo, toys can add much more variety to couples’ gaming.
You or your partner might already have one or more toys you have been using on your own that you are excited to explore together. Fortunately for you, there is no big difference in many ways between using a toy with your partner versus using it alone. When researching, look for toys that promise mutual fun, so that you and your partner can play together, or at the very least, have turned. Take your toys to the bedroom, and look for ways to flirt with your partner that will get you both excited.
You might find that once you get your partner to try one sex toy, he or she is hooked and wants to try more, so do not be afraid to make the move. Whether they are using a sex toy on you, you on them, or both, think about the enjoyment not just that you are getting out of the experience, but also that they are getting out of it.
Remind your partner that couples who explore new ways to intimately bond, including trying out a sex toy or toys, generally do best long-term, concerning maintaining passion and longing. To help assuage these fears, while discussing possible sex toy usage, take time to assure your partner that this is not about being unhappy with or replacing them, but about making things even more exciting, and trying new things, together. One of the biggest reasons that people are scared of using sex toys is because they believe that a partner is going to replace them with a toy, or even worse, that their partner is not satisfied with them and is looking for a way to try and improve an otherwise poor sexual life. One of the biggest mistakes that people make when trying to introduce toys to a partner, said half a dozen sexual advisers, is trying to simply fling them around while having sex.
Sex toys can be fun, and can add to even the best of physical relationships. However, if your partner is simply not into the idea, you need to accept and respect their decision. Instead, Jenni Skyler, a sexologist who works for the adult-retail giant Adam & Eve, suggests trying to have a conversation, either at the time or at a later date, about why this idea makes your partner feel uncomfortable and then finding ways down the line to resolve any fears or stigmas they might have around toys or sex. Instead, trying out comes from a place of inquiry, Boyajian suggests, where sex toys are one of several fascinating things that you might try together, to see what can add spice to your sexual lives, to give you both new and wonderful experiences. One of the easiest ways to bring your spark back is by incorporating toys into your sex life.
Adding a vibrator or anal sex plug into your relationship can inject a little spice into even the most erotic sex positions, or you could try something new with a new toy. If either of you has used a sex toy in isolation, that may be a good place to start when you introduce the dildo or vibrator to your loving life. Sex toys can liven things up by offering a new, different form of stimulation, but can also be used to prolong sexual contact beyond one partner’s orgasms (or if one partner likes having more than one).
If you are in a relationship, sex toys can help you bond with your partner emotionally and physically, particularly if you are either in a new relationship and looking for a few inexpensive thrills, or in a long-term relationship and looking to start making some extra spicy curry in the bedroom. In other words, sex toys can help bring you closer to your partner because they teach you to be open and honest about your sexual needs and desires, to not only find out what you want out of sexual life but to take time to listen to what your partner needs to feel sexually stimulated. While sex toys can provide several benefits, such as expanding horizons in terms of sex positions, techniques, approaches, activities, and interactions, and opening new pathways for enjoyment and generating dialogue, Dr. Jess reminds us that it is perfectly fine to do so if you feel it is just not your thing.
Studies have shown that established couples report higher levels of enjoyment when they add sex set like bdsm toys to their sexual repertoires, compared with any other kind of erotic play. Likely, most toys that you masturbate with are also used in partner games. Start by showing appreciation to your partner (see “Getting the Sex You Want” by Dr. Tammy Nelson for more about using sexual appreciation) and let your partner know you are looking to bring in some extra fun into their love life, expanding upon what is already working.
